I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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