Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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