I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
