Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
