so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
