I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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