I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
