Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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