Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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