Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
