you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
