More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
