He asked me if I "almost moaned"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
