I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize