now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
