maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he fucked my hip out of place.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
