There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
