Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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