a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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