I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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