If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
