Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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