He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
