I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
