Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
