remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
