Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I pour the whiskey from now on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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