The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize