I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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