If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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