im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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