Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
