my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
