thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
