you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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