girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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