ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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