he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
