Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
