How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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