How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
