Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's always time for handjobs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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