I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
