My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize