I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
