even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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