is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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