Soap is not a condiment
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
