dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
