Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
