and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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