If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
