So drunk its hurt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
