i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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