i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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