and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
