dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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