I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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