This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
