Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
